Chirping birds and sexual innuendo

So, I've decided the chirping of the birds on this glorious summer morning is only as glorious as that one shrill little bird wants it to be. But who am I to criticize. I don't know anything about this bird. Maybe it's out of practice. Maybe it's papa bird left the nest when they were born and this cute little guy wasn't trained how to sing like the rest of the crew. Whatever it is, when that one little bird is a little off, it can really mess with your morning.

Given that the morning started off a little out of tune, maybe it's time to bring up the emergence of the white rapper. Lately, I've been noticing a lot of white rappers stepping up to give it a go on the mic. You know, writing a rhyme, finding some beats and posting a video on You Tube or Facebook to try and make it big. As a fan of rap music, I can appreciate their craft, but let's be clear -- not every kid should try. Some kids are better listening  than recording. It's still fun though.

Sometimes I still try to write poetry and it ends up sounding like a bad rap song. It rhymes all too well and somehow any semblance of cleverness is lost in the rhymes. But that doesn't stop me. I'm convinced that what I'm lacking is a good sexual innuendo. Ya, I said it. Sexual innuendo is the key to a hit these days.

I'm convinced that rappers just sit around the studio thinking about different ways to rhyme about their private parts. A few years back Fifty Cent had his "Magic Stick" and Lil' Wayne had "Lollipop". Now Flo Rida is rhymin' about blowing his "Whistle". And don't even get me started about Rhianna and Chris Brown blowing out the candles on her "Birthday Cake". Yep, sexual innuendo paves the road to success. And the dirtier the better.

Let's put it this way, I think I might just start writing down every hidden little sexual innuendo that comes to mind. If I come up with a great one, and it's dirty enough to catch your ear, yet clean enough to get on the air waves, I might just get rich. So, don't be surprised if some day you see me on You Tube with the other white boys. If you do, please have mercy on me.

Come on, there's room for a 36-year-old white guy along side Fifty, Wayne, Flo Rida and Rhianna. Okay, maybe not, but any chance to get me next to Rhianna on stage will work. Okay, okay, enough with the mid-life fantasies. I admit it, it sounds like I'm one of those kids who is better off listening to rap music than recording it. Man, I just squashed my dream before it even started. Well, I guess I'm just destined to be like that little bird singing out of tune.