The evolution of friendship...lessons learned...:)

The friendships you create throughout life are an interesting thing.

I can remember when I first made friends. I lived in a small cul-de-sac and there was my best buddy next door, my friend across the street and the cute Asian girl who lived next to him. Then there was the slow kid who lived down the block who would knock on my door and ask, "Can Brriiaan come out and plaaaay?" And the older kid who lived on the corner that nobody liked because he had a big mean dog. That was pretty much my world.

My buddy next door didn't want anything more than to play. We played for hours and got along like brothers. When it came to toys, what was his was mine and vice versa. But we usually didn't play with toys. We did boy things. We built forts, explored the woods and searched in nature for weird bugs so we could "do experiments" by putting them in mason jars with holes in top to see how long they'd survive. He never wanted anything more than to be my buddy.

Now my friend across the street had a different agenda entirely. I was allowed to come over and play with him and his toys, but if he wanted his toy back, I had to give it back right that minute or he would kick me out of his house. It was like he paid the bills and mortgage on the entire one-story evil empire. He was very possessive and I learned early on that I didn't like it when people were like that; and he who has the most toys doesn't win in my book. They just sit alone in their evil empire with a stack of toys and nobody to play with.

It seems you learn lessons very early on about how to create and maintain friendships. Some people are blessed with that ability and others aren't. When it comes to friendship, I think I fall somewhere in between my buddy next door and the friend across the street. I'm not great at making friends, but I try to treat them with respect, listen to what they have to say and not interject with my opinion until I've thought about what I want to say.

In high school, my friends were typically nice guys. Although I wasn't religious, I was friends with the church-going type who placed their moral integrity above all else. I respected their commitment to God and, although I wasn't next to them in the pews on Sunday, I'm sure the lessons they learned rubbed off on me by association. Of course, there was my one God-fearing friend who stole money out of my wallet when I wasn't watching, but I guess the Devil made him do it. After all, we're all entitled to a fail now and then. I'm sure he needed the $100 more than I did anyway.

In college I had great friends. I came north to study at Western when I was 20 years old and was quickly introduced to ice beer. Can't say that was my crowning achievement, but it was a lot of fun and something I think all 20-year-olds should experience with their buddies.

A few of my best friends in college were also gay men. Maybe it was my naivety or boyish charm, but I attracted a lot of them. Eventually I became best friends with a gay man. It was different, but fun. Thinking back on it now, he wasn't that different from my childhood buddy. We cruised around the city, went clubbing together a lot and I learned to match my shoes to my belt. Only difference was he was checking out the cute boy at the bank and I was looking at the girl.

As I try to make new friends now, keep my current friendships strong and break ties with friends who are not making me a better person, I realize that the lessons I learned from my friendships growing up taught me some people are okay with sharing. Some people want to live in an evil empire filled with toys. Some people put their friendship with God above all else. Some people are tempted by the Devil. Some people like drinking ice beer. Hell, even some dudes like the cute guy at the bank. And it's all okay with me.

Learning to accept it all and still love the people who have enriched your life and taught you to be who you are without prejudice or judgement is a continuing struggle, but a struggle worth making and a journey with taking. Here's to making new friends and cherishing those you have. They make your lives what they are and without them, you're nothing.

Was I rude? Read the e-mails and decide for me.

So, I replied to a Craigslist ad for a ghost blogger and they called me rude. I didn't think I was being rude, but maybe you'all have a different opinion. Here's the conversation. What do you think? I might have gotten a little annoyed, but was I really rude?

Me:

I'd be interested in helping to write the (edited to protect) blog for $10 per post. I figure that's a fair price for an hour's work.

My current blog is: briankingsberry.blogspot.com

Take a look and let me know if you're interested.

BK

360-318-5921 - cell

Them:

Hi Brien,

Posts don't take an hour to write, plus receiving free swag (edited to protect)  is a pricy bonus.

Anyways, I have received over 30 applicants and have already chosen the (edited) blogger. Thank you for your application- in the future, don't ask for more before you are even picked. It is considered rude and other people will not hire you.

Me:

okay, thanks. Didn't mean to seem rude. I just thought $6 seemed a little cheap for my time. I'll ask whatever I want when selling my services. I think $10 isn't unreasonable. It takes me about an hour to write my current blog, so I was adjusting accordingly. If i can't do a gig for at least minimum wage, it's probably not worth the time anyway. I'm sure you'll probably realize this when dealing with your ghost bloggers. You get what you pay for. 

I'm glad you got the position filled.

Them:

Brian-

Again, rudeness. I have worked in the business industry all my life and grew up in it. If there's one thing I know, it's payment- and able to tell if you are being rude. Writing an entry for 6$ is overpaid. I know many people who apply for ghostblogging positions that take quite a few hours and only be paid one dollar per post. I am not asking you to write a book, which is the cost you are asking for, and a book takes at the very minimum one month to complete. Lots of times it takes half a year to many years.

I have received an applicant who is professional, been doing this for a long time, and can mirror my style and is exactly what I asked for. So yes, I am getting what I am paying for- perfection and excellence. You could learn it yourself if you wish to fulfill this type of position in the future for any person. No rational person will hire you for 10$ per entry.

Me:

I'll agree to disagree. I just said that for my services it's not enough. Obviously you're not interested in my services, so it's not even a point worth typing about.

I'm sure you know what they say about opinions...Everyone's got one. If you want someone to read yours, maybe you should think twice about how you treat people as well.

Them:

How I treat people?

Free (edited to protect) swag,

Easy and quick money,

Free coffee and/or hot chocolate,

work from home,

kindness,

generosity,

free (edited to protect swag.

Ever heard of "do your research"? A very common statement.

I am giving you advice from a professional who has been in this industry for seventeen years. You can choose to take it or leave it, but if you leave it, you should be aware of the consenquences.

Email me again and I will report you to craigslist and will spam you from my inbox.

Learn. You obviously need to learn a lot.

Me asking question of the day: What do you think readers? Would you read this person's blog? And is ghost blogging even acceptable? Shouldn't you do your own work? That's what I learned in school. Life has taught me that lesson the hard way a few times...:)

What kind of "energy" do you have today?

Have you ever walked into a room and felt either negative or positive energy? As a photographer, I deal with that a lot. I believe that everyone has a spirit within them that gives off energy and people can feel that energy the moment they lay eyes on you. Sometimes even sooner.

I like to believe I'm more in touch with this energy than others. I sometimes think I can see and feel things in people that others can not. Don't get me wrong, I'm not crazy -- I don't think. It's not schizophrenia, but I just think I'm more in touch with the spirit world than the average guy. I may be delusional in that belief, but it's how I feel and I'm sticking with it.

I've found that there's no time you realize the power of this "spirit energy" more than when you point a big camera lens at someone. Some people instantly let their positive energy run wild and smile, dance, jump and act out like children without a care in the world. Some people stare at you like a deer in headlights, not really sure what to do. Yet others shoot you an icy jolt of negative energy that makes most photographers instantly turn their lens away. Sometimes I like to fight that urge and see what happens next. It's like a battle between curious and negative energies. Out of respect for the subject, I usually lose that battle and turn away, but sometimes their negativity subsides and they open up enough for me to snap a few decent shots.

There's no time I've realized the power of this spirit energy more than before a mixed martial arts fight. I've been photographing fighters for a couple years now and I can tell a lot by the energy a fighter gives off prior to entering the cage. Obviously, it's rare that a fighter would want their picture taken prior to a fight. I usually try to be respectful and sneak a few pictures here and there without disturbing them. After all, they're in preparation mode, so their energy is usually mixed and not very conducive to picture taking.

I think the fact that fighters are flirting with death is what brings out an entirely new element to the spirit energy photographers deal with. No matter how you spin it, MMA is a dangerous sport. It's one of the only sports where you enter a cage and what happens in there could cause death to become a reality. If the grim reaper was a sports fan, I'm sure he'd be lurking at MMA events. That might sound gruesome, but that's exactly what makes MMA one of the most exciting sports out today. Fighters are putting their lives on the line. Sure they're well-trained and surrounded by trainers, referees and paramedics who know exactly what to do if something goes wrong, but that doesn't eliminate the possibility.

What I enjoy most from photographing MMA is watching how quickly a fighter's closed off "negative" energy can turn to euphoric "positive" energy after they've won the fight and had their hand raised in victory. The same fighter who shot me an icy glare of negative energy just moments before the fight is now wagging his tongue in my lens wanting to be a star. And, of course, I oblige and generously snap away.

So the next time you're at an event and you see a big lens pointed your way, think twice about the type of energy you're giving off. Why not make it easy on the photographer and send some positive energy their way. I'm sure they'll really appreciate it.