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Life lessons from the race you were destined to have

I always consider myself to be someone who is far more in tune with the energies the world gives off than the average person. Sometimes when I actually say this out loud, people look at me funny and wonder if I'm serious. No, I didn't smoke my breakfast and this is not some new age Bellingham hippie talk -- I truly believe it. Maybe it's the fact that I spend way too much time by myself in front of a computer monitor surrounded by images I've created that I hope can impact other's lives in some way. Or just maybe there's a little truth to it.

So as I stood at the 1A Tri-District track & field meet last Saturday at King's High School, I found myself on the football field between two distraught teenage girls. One was huddled behind a fence being consoled by her teammates as she sobbed uncontrollably, while the other lay sprawled out on the football field a few yards from me with tears in her eyes. I'm not going to claim to know exactly what happened, but from my recollection, there was a fall between some front runners in the final 400 meters of the mile. I had my back to the race and turned for just a second to catch the moment out of my periphery.

I finished taking photos of finishers at the finish line and after the race, I walked over to the coaches and asked what happened. His response was silence. Sometimes I forget that these young athletes have been working all season toward a goal. Dreaming of earning only a few spots from each race to make it to that state meet in Tacoma. And these coaches are spearheading those dreams. They're carefully cultivating goals within these athletes week after week. They're monitoring how many miles they run, their diet, their health, their mental awareness. And then, in the blink of an eye, suddenly those dreams are dashed by a fall that leaves athletes emotionally spent and huddled sobbing uncontrollably in the arms of their teammates behind a chain link fence. So, ya, silence is undoubtedly the appropriate answer.

Looking back on it now, I don't blame the coach for his silence. It was a question I probably shouldn't have asked at that moment. It was a question he didn't have answers for. Why did the race turn out that way? Well, as long as we're waxing philosophically here, let me say that I also believe in destiny. You know, that everything happens for a reason and when it does, that is the path in life you were destined to take. So I'm gonna say this to those young ladies who were giving off such heavy energy that it almost drove me to tears last Saturday -- that was the race you were destined to have.

Track and field is a great sport. It can teach you about dedication, commitment and living healthy. These are life lessons you can take with you forever. Last Saturday we learned that it can also teach you a little something about adversity and tragedy.Consider that as you decide how to bounce back from such a heartbreaking loss. Sure these are lessons we all would rather not deal with, but life has a way of teaching us lessons when we least expect it. A fall is just a fall, but your ability to get up, deal with that adversity and move forward in life is the lesson last Saturday's race was destined to teach. And it's not just a lesson for the young ladies in that race, it was also taught to every spectator in the stands and now every reader of this blog. Your actions are far-reaching and can impact the lives of many.

Hopefully those coaches also learned a lesson or two from the race. Maybe the answers they're looking for will never appear. But once all the tears have dried and the heartache has faded, know that all the hard work, preparation and sacrifice they made prepared those young athletes for the race they were destined to have and ultimately taught them valuable life lessons. Trust in the energies you give and receive. Know that the path you're on is the right one. Okay, even I can admit it, now it's sounding a little bit new age hippyish. You know what that means? This blog is officially over.

A little advice from Uncle Brian

Last week I was visited by my niece and nephew for a couple days on spring break. I don't get to spend one on one time with them very often, so it was interesting to hear their perspective on the world now that they're young adults. My niece is preparing for college and filled with all the promise you could ask for from a high school senior excited about going off on a new adventure. My nephew is smack dab in the middle of high school and dealing with all the social and academic challenges high school can bring.

After their visits, I realized they're no different from any other teenager one might encounter. They think they know it all and who am I to argue. I thought I was the "cool" uncle, but apparently that doesn't matter when it comes to right and wrong. Let me get on my soap box a second here: What kids need to realize these days is that some of the biggest questions life has to ask don't really have concrete answers. Science can only explain so much and those answers evolve as new discoveries are made on a daily basis. Remaining open to those discoveries can be the difference between ending up a current and innovative thinker or just someone who spews facts they read about this, that and the other.

With teenagers, there's a fine line between conversation and debate, so as I tip-toed that line last week without trying to tick them off too much, I thought I'd reflect for a second here and give my two, or three, cents of advice. After all, that's what I'm good at, isn't it?

The first thing any adolescent should know is that intelligence will only take them so far and fear of the unknown is normal. Anxiety shouldn't stop life, it should be something you forge through on your journey to new discoveries. Red lights should only last seconds and not days. If you weren't a little afraid of what lays ahead, you'd be odd. When the light turns green, keep your foot on the gas and don't look back.

Second, don't ever underestimate the value of life experiences. Others around you who have experienced life can offer knowledge you'll need along the way. Learning to really listen to that knowledge and absorb what you need for your journey is crucial. Obviously, you won't need everything they say, but learning to close your mouth long enough to really listen to what you do need can help you grow. Respecting others' intelligence can allow you valued mentors and friends who can contribute to your growth for a lifetime.

Finally, never let your imagination disappear. The same imagination that I watched my niece and nephew get excited about puppy dogs and baby dolls; and Match Box cars and video games, respectively, can become their greatest asset in life. The ability to use your imagination is what will ultimately set you apart from the competition. Great thinkers continue to challenge their brain and letting that imagination run wild should never be underestimated.

To blog or not to blog...That is A question.

Okay, so I haven't written a blog since last August. In fact, I've only had 58 blog postings all together, but I think they've been pretty good. Last August I blogged about new beginnings and it was a real doosy -- if I don't say so myself. It seems every time spring rolls around people start to think about new beginnings. And here it is now, a couple weeks into spring, and I'm contemplating life again; wondering why I do what I do and what I'm gonna do this spring to keep enough dough in the bank account to keep my life afloat.

Since last August, I've thought about blogging, but don't really see the point of it. Sometimes it's just easier to give up on things. I see more and more people blogging and wonder why they do it. I mean, what do THEY get out of it? I guess I could ask them. I've recently thought about video blogging, but I figure nobody wants to see me lounge around in my hoodie every morning and ramble on incessantly about some topic of the day. Or do you?

Lately I figure that if something I'm doing doesn't bring in money, then it's big a waste of my time. I suppose blogging could be fun if you had a following. Seems like I've been trying to build a following to benefit me for the last decade. So far I have two Facebook fan pages (Brian Kingsberry Photography & BK Photography - Portraits), two web sites (www.menschoice.info & www.bkphotos.info), 2,948 Facebook friends and I still often feel like nobody gives a fuck. Truth is that people are usually only concerned about themselves. I'm guilty of that as well. If you're not reading my blog, then why would I wanna read yours?

Well, maybe this will be my last blog until next spring. And maybe not. I guess you'll all have to wait and see.:)

New Beginnings, Blurred Lines & Love vs. Lust

As I woke up this morning and saw some of my photos featured in a Facebook catalog titled New Beginnings, I couldn't help but feel a little giddy about it. I mean, everyone needs new beginnings now and then in their lives. I couldn't help but wonder what's next for the young lady featured in those pics. I hope it's grand things. I hope she dreams big and realizes her dreams. As I looked at the youthful exuberance on her face in the pictures I captured, she had such uncertain promise in her eyes. It reminded me a little of myself at that age. I was once full of promise. I still am, I guess, but back then life hadn't happened yet. I hadn't found my place in the world. I was still searching. Now, I have my little piece of the American pie. I've had some success, some failure; and still I yearn for those new beginnings that will fill my life with more.

I had another birthday come and go. My 37th to be exact. And I spent it taking pictures all day at a local MMA event in Deming. I wasn't particularly happy with the pictures I captured that day. I never REALLY am at the end of a shoot, but there were still a few moments that made me happy. A few moments in life is all we can really ask for, right?

I recently talked with a friend about celebrating birthdays. I told her that in Europe birthdays seem more important and that my mom, being of Dutch decent, writes down all her friend's birthdays on a calendar and never forgets them. My friend told me she always puts on a white dress and goes out with whoever are her closest friends at that time. She wears white as a symbol of purity to wash away all the impurity that has burdened her life in the past year so she can start fresh with a new beginning for those who are no longer with us and unable to celebrate. Okay, I may have embellished that a bit, but you get the point. I thought that was a refreshing way to look at birthdays. Hell, maybe I'll even buy myself a nice white shirt and go out with my friends next year. If only I could make a few this year...:)

This year the musical hit of the summer is undoubtedly Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke, Pharell and T.I. That song has got my brain thinking again about relationships. One of my Facebook friends recently wrote a post to choose love over lust. In theory, sure that seems like the logical choice. But love is everywhere and those blurred lines often leave a guy confused and unsure about what to do about lust. In life, everything is not black and white. There are lots of gray areas. I suppose that's what Robin was writing about. Of course, it doesn't help when T.I. bursts into the song and asks "One thing I ask of you, let me be the one you back that ass to." Ya, TIP always has a way of getting right to the point.

Blurred Lines may be the hit of the summer, but the concept is nothing new to me. I can remember having countless conversations with my old college roommate about those gray areas we encounter in life. At the time, he was openly gay, but still coming to terms with how his relationships would end up and how his family would materialize. I'm happy to say he's married now and recently adopted a baby girl, so apparently he figured it out. Not that I ever doubted he wouldn't. In the end, we usually figure things out.

One great thing about Facebook is that with close to 3,000 friends, I get to see a lot of relationships come and go. There are weddings to be celebrated. There are unfortunate deaths that are mourned. And there are always an abundance of births to be celebrated. Of course the one thing all of it has in common is it's celebrated through pictures. As I focus on my portrait work this summer, I realize the importance of what I'm doing. In the last few years, my portraits have been used on Match.Com to find a friend of mine a new man. She's now married to that man. They've been shown on ModelMayhem.com to help start modeling careers and, of course, they've been shown on Facebook to start countless new beginnings. Photography for me is still a hobby and I don't get paid often for it, but I enjoy all of these little success stories.

In photography, I've learned the best photos captured are of what happens between the action. I guess the same can be said of life. In life, it's not always about those big events. The birthdays, weddings, births and deaths. Life is about celebrating the little events that happen everyday between those big events. So to that young lady celebrating her new beginnings this morning. I thank you for letting me be a small part of it and I wish you nothing but the best.

Lead, follow or get out of the way

A couple weeks ago I had a discussion about what it takes to be a great leader. One blog I read suggested that we're all naturally born leaders and that as we grow we develop traits that eventually hinder us from fully reaching our leadership potential.

I didn't necessarily agree with this theory at first, but the more I thought about it, the more it starts to make sense. I've always considered myself a great follower. I have all the necessary traits needed to be a great follower. I'm usually an attentive listener, I take direction well and I follow through on orders. But who's to say those traits wouldn't also make me a great leader?

I think we all have to know our role in life, but stepping out of traditional roles and feeling uncomfortable is a challenge these days. We live in a world where social anxiety gets treated with prescriptions. I think we all need to put down the bottle of pills and feel uncomfortable now and then. I mean, you're not supposed to enter a room full of strangers and feel totally comfortable, are you?

I think a true leader is able to motivate and inspire others to get things done. We all know a few people who are good at that. Personally, I have a hard enough time motivating and inspiring myself to get things done.

I also think a big part of being a leader is creating opportunities to let leadership emerge. If we never put ourselves in situations that allow us to be great leaders then those traits will never blossom and flourish.

I think we should all challenge ourselves to step out of traditional roles and lead more. If not leading others, then simply start by motivating and inspiring ourselves to tackle new and exciting ventures in life. It could be fun...:)

How To Fill Your Glass - A celebrity's guide to the monogamous man

"There are no regrets in life, just lessons" ... Jennifer Aniston

If that's the case, I'd be the king of learning life lessons. I'd learn lessons left and right, upside down and inside out. My lesson book would be thick and I'd be the smartest lesson learner around. Come on, let's just admit that there are such things as regrets Jenn. I mean, you once dated Vince Vaughn, right?

I recently talked with a friend about the concept of serial monogamy. You know, the type of person who has no problem being fully committed to someone, but once the honeymoon stage is over, they're out like A-Rod at a optional drug screening. Personally, I love the idea of honeymooning. Who doesn't have fond memories of that "honeymoon" stage in a relationship? You remember, right? That time when the sex was plentiful and good, you were still exploring each other, you didn't take each other for granted and you didn't know every annoying nuance of your partner's personality. That being said, I can't really see doing it again and again.

Okay, maybe that's not entirely true. I could see honeymooning with certain women. I mean, what man doesn't see a dime here and there and start to fantasize about having the opportunity to be with additional women? But I guess that's why it's called fantasy. The reality is never as you imagined. I recently watched a show on polygamy and I have to say it doesn't look all that appealing. Instead of listening to one woman belly ache, this dude was bombarded by three broads. Just the thought of it gives me a headache. At least with one partner it's not that tough to duck out and escape for some "me" time. Can you imagine having three women wondering where you are and what you're up to? Three women calling your cell and sending you to the store to pick up groceries on a Saturday afternoon at Costco. Oh the nightmare!!! Just imagine how much longer I'd be stuck in line trying to make three women happy instead of one.

I guess monogamy has its place in our world. I'm still trying to figure out how it benefits mine, but I'm sure there's a reason most of us men succumb to it. I mean, it can't just be because some woman told us to, can it? And if that's it, then maybe it was all in the way they said it. I've come to realize a lot of life comes down to what you say. And sometimes it's not what you say, but how you say it. When it comes to the optimist versus pessimist scenario, women can be very optimistic about their futures. Is the glass half full or half empty. Mine has been empty for years, but some day I'm gonna figure out how to top that thing off.

Maybe Jenn Aniston can write a book and teach me that lesson. How to Fill Your Glass by Jennifer Aniston. That sounds easy enough, right? Some ghostwriter could write it, put her name on it and make her another million. Please tell me Jenn is good for more than just one cute haircut and far too many mediocre romantic comedies. I guess if I'm gonna rely on celebrity advice to run my world, I might as well go with Jenny from the block. At least J-Lo is sure to look good walking away after the honeymoon is over. Look out Casper. Miss Lopez might need another honeymoon soon.