The evolution of friendship...lessons learned...:)

The friendships you create throughout life are an interesting thing.

I can remember when I first made friends. I lived in a small cul-de-sac and there was my best buddy next door, my friend across the street and the cute Asian girl who lived next to him. Then there was the slow kid who lived down the block who would knock on my door and ask, "Can Brriiaan come out and plaaaay?" And the older kid who lived on the corner that nobody liked because he had a big mean dog. That was pretty much my world.

My buddy next door didn't want anything more than to play. We played for hours and got along like brothers. When it came to toys, what was his was mine and vice versa. But we usually didn't play with toys. We did boy things. We built forts, explored the woods and searched in nature for weird bugs so we could "do experiments" by putting them in mason jars with holes in top to see how long they'd survive. He never wanted anything more than to be my buddy.

Now my friend across the street had a different agenda entirely. I was allowed to come over and play with him and his toys, but if he wanted his toy back, I had to give it back right that minute or he would kick me out of his house. It was like he paid the bills and mortgage on the entire one-story evil empire. He was very possessive and I learned early on that I didn't like it when people were like that; and he who has the most toys doesn't win in my book. They just sit alone in their evil empire with a stack of toys and nobody to play with.

It seems you learn lessons very early on about how to create and maintain friendships. Some people are blessed with that ability and others aren't. When it comes to friendship, I think I fall somewhere in between my buddy next door and the friend across the street. I'm not great at making friends, but I try to treat them with respect, listen to what they have to say and not interject with my opinion until I've thought about what I want to say.

In high school, my friends were typically nice guys. Although I wasn't religious, I was friends with the church-going type who placed their moral integrity above all else. I respected their commitment to God and, although I wasn't next to them in the pews on Sunday, I'm sure the lessons they learned rubbed off on me by association. Of course, there was my one God-fearing friend who stole money out of my wallet when I wasn't watching, but I guess the Devil made him do it. After all, we're all entitled to a fail now and then. I'm sure he needed the $100 more than I did anyway.

In college I had great friends. I came north to study at Western when I was 20 years old and was quickly introduced to ice beer. Can't say that was my crowning achievement, but it was a lot of fun and something I think all 20-year-olds should experience with their buddies.

A few of my best friends in college were also gay men. Maybe it was my naivety or boyish charm, but I attracted a lot of them. Eventually I became best friends with a gay man. It was different, but fun. Thinking back on it now, he wasn't that different from my childhood buddy. We cruised around the city, went clubbing together a lot and I learned to match my shoes to my belt. Only difference was he was checking out the cute boy at the bank and I was looking at the girl.

As I try to make new friends now, keep my current friendships strong and break ties with friends who are not making me a better person, I realize that the lessons I learned from my friendships growing up taught me some people are okay with sharing. Some people want to live in an evil empire filled with toys. Some people put their friendship with God above all else. Some people are tempted by the Devil. Some people like drinking ice beer. Hell, even some dudes like the cute guy at the bank. And it's all okay with me.

Learning to accept it all and still love the people who have enriched your life and taught you to be who you are without prejudice or judgement is a continuing struggle, but a struggle worth making and a journey with taking. Here's to making new friends and cherishing those you have. They make your lives what they are and without them, you're nothing.