American Broke. Are we all broke? Are we all broken? Do we lack leadership, focus, humility, a connection to reality and a connection to each other? Do we walk around with our heads in the clouds dreaming about being a country of Americans where anything is possible? Or, are we already that country?

All good questions, but those questions are for another blog on another day, the American Broke I'm writing about today is a group of 20-somethings I first was introduced to when lead singer Levi's the Name took the stage at Fremont Fridays -- A Seattle summer concert series I've been attending to shoot photos and video for my YouTube channel. 

Levi performed there and leapt from the stage into the crowd. I rushed toward him with my camera and was lucky enough to capture some of what I call the "magic." You know, the moments in a music set where an artist is completely free. Like Eminem says, they lose themselves in the music, the moment, they own it; and they never let it go.

Luckily for Levi, he doesn't have to let that moment go because I was there. I was standing patiently in a small crowd with my little vlogging camera rolling just waiting for a moment like that to pop off. And now that moment will exist forever in the photos I snapped and on the video I captured. It exists, and that's the great thing about taking photos and making videos. These moments that were once created and forgotten, can exist and promote a band to new heights. They can grow an artist into something bigger, more glorious and monumental than they might have ever imagined. A viral moment can virtually make money overnight if it reaches enough eyes. 

I sat down with American Broke at Seattle's Central Saloon prior to their latest performance and discussed the formation of their new band. I told them that the ego can be either friend or enemy and can lead them accordingly. Front man Levi said he's gotten over that feeling of imposter syndrome, the condition of feeling anxious and not experiencing success internally, despite being high performing. And now the band's focus is just on making music and having fun.

While thoughts like that are now behind them, a healthy delusion of grandeur might not always be a bad thing. Developing a false or exaggerated belief about one's status or importance can actually lead a band toward the objectives they might desire. The term was first connected to megalomania, a self-important preoccupation with power and control. But these days, power and control don't seem to be what American Broke are all about. 

In just a short timeframe, Levi has managed to build on his blossoming hip hop following and pull together a band that booked the Central Saloon, the self-proclaimed oldest venue in Seattle that has hosted countless legendary bands. Levi got together with his bandmates Evan on guitar, Atreyu on bass and Leo on drums, and put together a 30-minute set that rocked a Friday night crowd so hard the venue invited them back for another performance Wednesday night. 

It seems that somewhere between your 20s and 40s, people lose the ability to toil in their delusions. Some stop dreaming entirely. So for me to cruise south and look at a group of 20 somethings for one night who still have that glimmer in their eyes and spirit in their souls was a pleasure. When I sat down with the fellas at their table and pointed the camera at them, the first thing I was asked was, "Do you like rock music?." Indeed I do. The bands on the wall at the Central were all in my walkman back in the early 90s. Nirvana, Alice In Chains, Sir Mix-A-Lot. I played them all. And they all started somewhere. Thank you for that reminder.

The formula is simple. If you want to start a rock band and book gigs around the city, you sit down with your buddies in a basement, put some songs together and do it. You focus your energies toward a common goal. No more lamenting on the past. You focus on the freedom you possess. You focus so hard that the energy turns into something tangible. Something real. Something that's begun, that's beginning, that can grow, transform and magnify your gifts. 

When you have some talent in your 20s, sometimes you don't realize all you have to do is focus your energies toward a goal and the power of the collective force will take you right to it. Naw, America's not broke. Not as long as the spirit of rock and roll exists in the youth. After all, one rock song might be just what we all need to change the world and walk around with our heads in the clouds dreaming about the possibilities. A country of young men and women with the leadership, focus, humility and connection to each other that still realizes that anything really IS possible.

It was the day after a hard rain and the clouds sat as still in the sky as a dragonfly on a lily pad with a toad within striking distance. The breeze from the previous day hadn't disappeared completely, yet it was the kind of day where you could take your jacket off and pretend Mother Nature had turned up her glow to a sleeveless comfort level until that breeze shot into your sleeve, straight down your spine like a razorblade, and you were quickly reminded that spring wasn't quite all the way here. It was that kind of day -- yep, the perfect day for soccer.

As I arrived at Gateway Middle School, I easily located Coach Torry Hollimon with his squad of 5-year-olds on the far field. He was easy to spot as he stood hunched over the little soccer ball in the green grass. He was dressed in all red with the word Coach in white lettering across his back. It was the first time I'd seen him in this role. To me, he'd become known as T-Spade. That's who he was in my world since I'd begun taking photos and video of him throughout last month in preparation for an upcoming album release next fall. I had become accustomed to calling him Spade in interviews so that people could get used to hearing his stage name, but today, to me, the parents and all the kids, he was simply Coach Torry.

His older 7-year-old twin children had finished their game and were now on the sidelines. They were fresh out of their socks and chin guards, as his daughter practiced cartwheels and his son kicked errant soccer balls into a giant puddle. They celebrated each splash as a resounding accomplishment and every plash seemed even more glorious than the next. The balls that managed to splash closest to his sister seemed to be the ones he exalted in most. She took a break from her cartwheel practice to slip back into her cleats and tip toe into the waters to fetch the floating balls for her brother. Only for him to set them up and directly launch them back into the puddle, almost like little missiles onto an imaginary battleground.

The game they had created looked like so much fun that I decided to kick one of the errant balls into the water myself. I lined it up, carefully looking around to make sure no parents noticed I was acting too kidlike, and flicked it with my toe like a rainbow into the center of the puddle. Satisfied with my little splash, I turned my attention back to the field as the warmups ended and the game begun. Coach Torry kept his energy high and his spirit turned all the way up as he inspired the children in a manner only he can. Their little eyes affixed to his quick mouth as instruction exited and lesson's of sportsmanship and positivity entered the young minds. Two team mothers took time from their Mother's Day to flank the huddle of youngsters, occasionally translating a few words into Spanish for their young one to fully understand coach's important message.

It was obvious the kids were lucky to have such a spirited leader, as I watched Coach Torry call his youngest son back to the sideline and patiently tie his shoelace before sending him back into the game with a little pep talk. The same way Spade had captured my attention with his clever word play and unmatched lyrical imagery on stage was exactly how he commanded their young minds by leading with positive intention. As the day came to a close and the BG's (blue & golds) left the field with a victory, coach Torry gathered his three children, their socks, their chin guards, their snacks, their sports bags and all their soccer balls, under both arms and headed on a long march back to his vehicle. About halfway there, with his arms filled and his heart full, he took a moment to greet his brother who he noticed posted up on the sideline enjoying a look at a family member playing flag football on another field. The brothers joked, giggled, teased and enjoyed a moment of hard-earned leisure before we eventually found our way back to the parking lot.

As we rode off toward a new adventure, I couldn't help but think that the kids were lucky to have Coach Torry on the sidelines. The sun was out, the temperatures were brisk, the puddles were deep, yet Torry was exactly where he needed to be. The kids are blessed to have him as their coach.

Morning ramblings about that more dynamic individual within us

 Do you ever feel like a far more dynamic individual exists within you than you ever have the courage to show the world? There's glimpses of them that sneak out when you're faced with obstacles and are asked to meet them face on. When you're tested, that dynamic individual shows up and conquers the obstacle in front of them in a manner almost magical, then disappears into a realm of existence that's safe and secure. Locked away in that safe space. Hidden from others until that next obstacle presents itself. There's safety in obscurity. Nestled in a little corner of your world surrounded by the familiar, yet dreaming about the fantasy of success you know is sitting there waiting just within reach. The formula is there. You wake up every morning and know it exists. People talk about it. You listen to them and know all about the steps necessary to climb that ladder of life toward becoming your most dynamic self. You see that greater self everyday in the mirror when you wake up. Sometimes you might even poke them by making an attempt at this or that just to show the world a glimpse of that dynamic individual that exists within? There might be a little taste of who you could be already existing in our universe. But instead of allowing them to learn and grow, you decide to sulk away in that cozy corner of obscurity. Every now and then you might peek out into wild world of substance that you know would enlighten your soul and others greater than the universe ever intended. That energy is in you. It's around you. It's in your biosphere. You wake up with the choice to harness that energy into something great every day. What you do with it is solely up to you. Do you listen to the outside stimuli begging you to spread your wings and fly? Or do you cower in fear of the unknown slowly finding comfort in a dreary routine. Life becomes a regular checklist of mediocrity if you let it. There's nothing wrong with being mediocre, but when the gifts in you are ready to blossom into the most glorious version of yourself, why not give them the warmth, love and fuel necessary to become the best version of yourself. The self the universe deserves. I'm not special when I choose to write about all this. I know everyone is fighting this battle. It's in me the same as it's in you. But my gifts are special. Those close to me know that. When you open your heart, mind and soul to an individual and understand their mission in life is greater than most, there is an unwritten responsibility for them to hold themselves accountable for striving toward that mission. Once you know them like that, it's also your responsibility to help foster the tools necessary to tackle that mission. People these days often speak about life being nuanced, or a slight difference in appearance, meaning, tone or sound. It's become a catch phrase that gets them out of something stupid they might have said or done. That excuse they can give the public that allows them to toil away in the depths of mediocrity. Life's not all that nuanced, there's black and white, there's right and wrong. Through a clear lens most human beings can decipher that, yet they often choose to argue for a world of gray. Living in that gray abyss of the unknown. The freedom to explore a world of exuberant color where we walk the universe fully expressed is always the best choice. My advice, choose to be dynamic, choose to step out of obscurity, choose to move with substance in each action you take, choose to bless those around  you with positive energy, choose to develop a routine that walks away from mediocrity -- and lastly -- choose to be so fully expressed that your tiny segment of the universe glows with glorious color so bright that nuance is a thing of the past and that gray safe existence ceases to exist. It's in you, it's in me. Shine on.

Double Down ... A change is coming.

Happy Sunday!

Happy Sunday!

Happy Sunday!

    I sent out that message yesterday a few times hoping it might change how I felt. You know, a random message that might create happiness in someone. Truth is, there's a lot for me to be happy about, yet the world is in turmoil. Death, destruction, looting. Fire, chaos and emotion. It's so thick in the air right now. The energy is overwhelming. The pain is real. 

    There's a call for everyone to speak out. To speak their minds and create a new way of life for humanity. No change occurs without adversity. People always learn more from their losses than their wins. The fight for equality has taken horrific losses in the last few months, yet a change is happening. I see it. We all see and feel it. Now is the time to double down. Join in the message. Do better. Look within and do your part to create the change in humanity we hope to achieve. Assess your lives, your belief systems and the way you act, think and react. Let love drive you though adversity to this new way of living and a new way of life.

    When I think about black men and women, I see a new generation of leaders stepping up. I watched how eloquent President Barrack Obama spoke while leading our country for eight years. I admire the black men and women who have come into my life and opened my eyes to a new normal. I encourage them to double down right now and I will join in their message of equality. Yesterday I watched Michael Santiago Render, aka Killer Mike, talk in Atlanta and pray his message reaches the ears of those he intends it for to create change in the minds of those who need it. I also watched Nick Cannon's poetry tribute to George Floyd and fully felt the pain in his message. I pray his breath continues to be the voice for those who were taken from our world far too soon in an unthinkable way that must be changed. 

  

    Twitter feuds wage on. My Facebook and Instagram news feeds fill with horrific images of violence and chaos that can't be unseen. A memorial to Floyd and others sits rain soaked outside my local library as citizens peacefully take to the streets in protest. Protests all over the nation break out. In some, violence and chaos ensues. Once the dust settles, we all must build on that pain and craft a new message of hope inspired by the memories of those who have passed unjustly that can’t be denied. Continue to fill our eyes, ears and minds until your message of change is realized.

    They say there's a fine line between love and hate. Some even believe the devil is in all of us. It seems as though we've seen that devil lately. Yet his energy can be stopped. Contempt is the feeling that a person or a thing is beneath consideration, worthless, or deserving scorn. Speak out and reach your audience. Craft your message carefully like I've attempted to do with this blog. Know that to win an argument you must stay strong but calm, yet be extremely rational. For those who resist, you must qualify each point with evidence. Prevent facts rather than opinions and avoid sarcasm. Know in your heart that your message will change hearts and minds. A new normal is coming and you are the change you hope to see in the world. 

Happy Monday!

A new day has come. Use it wisely. There's only so much energy a person can create. Be sure that yours is leading those toward the new world you hope to achieve.

Equality ... Now is the perfect time for tribal examination. Where do you stand?

Every now and then your mother flashes you a look that's priceless. A little bit of fear, a little bit of horror and a glimmer of anger masked by an ever-so-slight veil of amusement. Those looks are priceless. My mom always knows exactly what I'm thinking. At times, even before I say it. It's a subconscious connection that amazes me. We search our whole lives for a God like figure who will explain the world to us. A "daddy in the sky", if you will, but a mother is the closest thing I've ever found.

Mom's looks are always priceless, but last night my mom gave me a doozy. Apparently I hadn't packed enough into my day. I'd edited photos, listed 20+ items into my eBay store, drove to Bellingham and packed my orders, ran 2.6 miles at Lake Padden, mowed my parent's lawn... and then I sat down for dinner and the discussion of equality came up. Men are probably not the best people to stand up for women's rights right now. In the midst of the current Me Too, cancel culture, Trump administration, we've taken our lumps the last couple years. Luckily, life moves on and each day I'm continually blessed with new and interesting opportunities. Life is good. Or, as they say, life is beautiful! That's what I keep telling myself when I wake up each morning. Affirmations of gratitude are all the rage and I've jumped on that bandwagon. Why not, right?

But every now and then there's an discussion worth having. A discussion that moves society forward toward equality. There was the civil rights movement that started in the 1940s and supposedly ended in the 60s, yet Black Lives Matter reminds us that fight is far from over. Countless young black men are continued to be unjustly slain and the news videos are horrific. It's all too real.

There was Mr. Colin Kaepernick's decision to shock the nation by taking a knee during the Star Spangled Banner prior to an NFL football game. It shocked many and he was essentially run out of the NFL. Some argue that he was just an average quarterback whose career ran its course, but anyone who really watched his run to the Super Bowl knows better. Don't worry, Nike made it right. He's doing fine. Better than ever. He has continued his endorsement deal with Nike since it was signed in 2011. He released a new ad campaign in 2018 and will reportedly even have his own branded line. His jersey is still a top 50 best seller. I imagine young Kap sits at home admiring all the zeros in his bank account as he gives affirmations of gratitude for not having to potentially get concussed by 300-pound men on the gridiron anymore. Life always comes down to a matter of perspective. His latest campaign slogan is right on point. He truly did believe in something and sacrificed everything. Any person who does that should be admired.

And then there's the Woman's right to vote movement that occurred in the 1920s with the 19th amendment. Today's Me Too movement reminds us again that the fight for equality is riddled with speed bumps and sometimes the mighty must fall. Your heroes can quickly turn to villains, get locked up and stop making cute tv shows with little children while promoting delicious Jello pudding pops on the side. Life reminds us, yet again, that it truly is stranger than fiction. You know, Cosby's behind bars, Bruce becomes Caitlyn, Trump becomes President and that one handsome former pro wrestler with a flair for eyebrow raises, suddenly picks up some acting chops and works his way to being the world's highest grossing movie star.

We're living in strange days, but history can still teach us a few things. In 1973, some 90 million people around the world watched 29-year-old tennis player Billie Jean King beat 55-year-old Bobby Riggs in a straight sets "Battle of the Sexes" tennis match. Every so often a moment occurs that may not seem significant at the time, yet it cumulatively has its impact on society over time. A year before that infamous match, in 1972, Title XI helped provide equity in athletics and females were finally offered the same number of extra curricular sport offerings as their male counterparts. Some argue that men's athletics programs were cut to make way for the women and males suffered, yet women progressed and society eventually accepted the change.

So when to topic of equal pay for male and female World Cup soccer athletes came up at the dinner table, I decided to chime up and say, "I think they should get paid the same." Looking back, to pay  them the same won't happen for some time, but to take another step toward equality isn't out of the question. When comparing men's and women's World Cup tourneys, the money discrepancy is hard to deny. Really, it's comparing apples to oranges. From what I've read, the women generate hundreds of millions and the men bring in multiple billions. Point is, FIFA makes a lot of money off World Cup soccer. So, when US World Cup soccer star Megan Rapinoe stepped up to the podium to give her speech greeted by chants of "equal pay" after the women won the World Cup, it was easy to sit back in my armchair and tell FIFA to "pay them". Looking at all the pay discrepancy charts out there on the internet, I'm sure the financial breakdown is far more complicated than it appears. When it comes to money, it's always complicated. Of course, any employee who performs well will push for a raise at the height of their performance levels. It's to be expected. Rapinoe, had her platform and she took her shot. Atta girl.

I guess the point of this blog is that change doesn't occur without discussion. It's okay to think about these things without all the facts and then gather them later to try and make sense of it. We're tribal individuals by nature and it's okay for men to tip toe into the woman's tribe every now and then to make sure everything is okay. Men are being forced to take those steps more than ever right now. The country is led by tweet friendly, former reality star entertainer, who seems to prefer to communicate to us from behind the screen of his phone. Hey, who am I to judge. I make a living behind a computer screen too. Everyone has their safe space. I see a world where women seek Facebook likes and IG love to feel valued. It's weird. But they also still want their piece of the pie. The American dream has been blessed with recent World Cup championships and a portion of that almighty dollar should trickle down onto the backs of the women who earn them. It's only fair. These moments in history might not seem like a step toward improving humanity now, but 20 years from now they will. Just ask Billie Jean King. The women's movement didn't start in the 70s with Title XI and a celebrity tennis match, but it didn't hurt. The true "Battle of the Sexes" is far from over. It's just begun.

Do you have the energy to read a few paragraphs. Well, I wrote some.

One thing I know about myself is that I'm a one-on-one guy. I've always been that way. I can connect with people one on one, or sometimes in small groups, but the minute there's more than 4 people in a room, I tend to get quiet and let someone else steal the energy. Like a lot of people, groups have never been my thing, but recently opportunities have been coming my way in photography for family portraits. I've tried to do my best to get over this one-on-one thing and embrace the group dynamic. When I first purchased my little portrait studio/clothing store, I never wanted to be a family portrait photographer, but as time goes by I see there's definitely a demand for it, and I'm more than happy to do my best to meet that need.

The other night I found myself busily pushing racks of clothing around in an effort to transform my 4,700- item online eBay clothing store (insert plug: www.menschoice.info) back into what could somehow work as a photo studio. This time it was for a family session with 8 people in my small 583-square foot commercial spot downtown Bellingham. As my eBay store grows, it's getting harder and harder to transform it for shoots, but I'm still able to make it work. For most of my photography career, it's been about that one-on-one connection. You know, creating a moment in a photo that the audience can connect with and appreciate. Creating an image the subject enjoys and can share with their family, and on social communities, that can convey who they want to be and how they want to portray themselves. I generally give some input on what I like, but usually the outcome is rarely up to me. I've learned to relinquish control and become comfortable with how photo shoots work, and just let it happen organically. When it's all said and done, to be honest, some of the art I like and some of it I don't, but the joy of the moment triumphs any frustration and I forge onward.

Of course, capturing an entire family in studio is an entirely different animal than the solo shoot. Getting eight people to all agree on one common goal is virtually impossible, so what I've learned to do is just try to get them all to look at the camera. Usually there is a hidden struggle for the energy in the room. I know as the photographer who owns the studio, the camera and the lighting, I'm supposed to be in charge, but the alpha female almost always ultimately takes over and some form of organized chaos usually results. As the guy with his finger on the trigger aiming to capture the moments, I try to do my best to calm the chaos. Whether it's an unruly toddler who doesn't want to sit next to his older brother, or the alpha male who stubbornly refuses to smile, there's always something. After a while you learn what to expect and find tricks to manipulate the energy in the room. To tell you the truth, I think I'm actually getting better at it. Like anything in life, the more you do it, the better you get. Practice truly does lead to perfection. If there really is such a thing. I think the great Green Bay Packers' coach Vince Lombardi said it best when he stated that, "Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection, we can catch excellence". And anyone who lived through the 90s knows what the great Bill S. Preston said, "Be excellent to each other". And Ted Theodore Logan added "Party on dudes". Okay, I'm out of great quotes, but please read on.

We live in a world where energy is all around us. What we do with the energy in our bodies determines who we are. Everything we do is about energy. From time we wake up to the moment we close our eyes, we thrive on energy to move us forward. From the food we put in our bodies that provides the nutrients needed to channel our brains to move us to do what we want and need to survive, to the thoughts that allow us to bow out at night for some of that REM sleep that will allow us another day, everything is about energy.

One of the greatest energies I see in studio is the love for a child. The bond between a mother and her child is something we take for granted. We don't question it until it doesn't exist. Those of us who are blessed with healthy bonds growing up learn to love. Those who lack those bonds tend to struggle. John Lennon said it best when the Beatles sang "All We Need Is Love." My challenge for everyone who has read to this point is to ask yourselves how you are you using your energy. Are you channeling it into productive endeavors that will better your world. I certainly hope so. If not, make that change you hope to see in yourselves and others and the world around you will suddenly become that much better.

Let's talk about love, shall we?

In a world filled with anger, jealousy, greed, lust and hatred, we get inundated with stories of energy wasted on lives lived full of sin. Yet, above all, there is the most wonderful energy ever created; love. Love is an energy that's ever-present. Sometimes it consumes us and burns as bright as the sun in the sky. At its brightest it's capable of creating the greatest gift of all, the gift of life. Other times it sneaks up on us like a stealthy samurai in the night and surprises us with a precious story of summer romance that'll be remembered in the recesses of one's mind till their dying days. In retrospect, one will sit alone with those thoughts of romance, then suddenly crack a tender smile on their face. That's love. That's what it does. Sometimes love sparks hot for a few years, a few decades maybe, then dwindles. Some hold tight to each burning ember, begging it not to die. Wondering what happened to it. What they did and how they can get that feeling back. And, sometimes, let's be honest, sometimes it dies a horrible tragic death.

Some people are blessed with love and manage to turn up love's magnanimous energy for 50 years together and end up side by side in cemetery plots to become part of the earth together forever as one. While others spread love like a mailman making his rounds through the neighborhood by dosing each person they encounter with a little sprinkle of love's splendid joy. Hey, I don't judge. Some people have a lot of love to give.

Sometimes I sit alone with my thoughts and think about the love that created me, my family members and loved ones. I look at the love stories around me that flourish, create new life, new heartbreak, new joy and new sadness. I feel that energy. I weighs heavy on me at times, yet I'm thankful I've been given the chance to create each new ember of love that consumes my heart and makes me feel alive.

Sometimes one might not understand love, or see it or get it. They might look at it and wonder how it exists between two people. They might see it and feel uncertainty or pain. One thing about love is that it makes a person feel. It touches them in ways they can't explain. That's what arguably the greatest energy in this world can do. Never doubt it. Like a tidal wave capable of crushing a village, it can move lives in different directions. It's definitely a catalyst to create change. Everyone knows that change allows us to learn, grow and progress. Some people believe mistakes are mankind's way of forcing change and making us learn, grow and flourish. We go through life as members of couples, as families, as communities, as countries progressing toward change that hopefully betters our world as a whole. I like to think that way.

For those of you who know me, all this talk of love might seem a bit out of character. I don't talk about it much, yet best believe I see it everyday. I'm aware of love and even let it embrace me if it must. Sometimes a person can sit back, relax and just watch love work. They can watch in awe as it propagates its magic on loved ones, then suddenly twists their lives into uncertainty and despair. I've seen all this over the years. At this point in my life, I don't question love all too much. When it hits someone, I choose to celebrate it with them. Apparently, a new ember or two of love's billowing fire shot up hit my sister and her new beau. The two of  them ran away to that city that shines the brightest. You know the one. The one filled with copious quantities of sin. Anyway, back to this love thang. They walked through that city of sin, found a chapel and made their love official to the government. Yep, they got married.

Later today I'm supposed to meet up with the new couple to celebrate their love over a family lunch. To my loving sister, I have this to say. I wish you nothing but the best. May your love burn brighter than the embers of a Nasa rocket ship on its way to the moon. If it dwindles, don't let it die. Work your hardest to get the most out of that energy. Torch that energy and stoke love's fire for all its worth. Enjoy each and every moment of the greatest energy on earth. To my new brother in law, I welcome you. I thank you for your kindness, generosity and love I've witnessed during this courtship. Most of all, I thank you for showing my sister the new love she has needed and celebrate the new story that has been created. May the energy encompassed in these words stoke the fire of your love to ever reaching new heights.

With love,

Brian